Ooh sweet chocolate.

My chocolate tempering machine finally arrived last night. It's such a beauty! Tempering chocolate is so easy with it! Hardly any work at all. I *heart* my Revolation 2 Chocolate Tempering Machine!

January 31, 2006 | 1:40 PM | Link | 0 comments

Package.

I am about to go home. I hope, hope, hope that my chocolate tempering machine has arrived! I NEED it!!!

January 30, 2006 | 4:55 PM | Link | 2 comments

OMG! I just realized!!!

When I'm a rich and famous chocolatier, y'all are going to be able to say "OMG y'all! I used to read about that guy's sex life and and his experiences pissing on a church!"

January 29, 2006 | 9:41 PM | Link | 2 comments

I was 16.

I just watched The 40 Year Old Virgin. It was sweet. I was really happy for Steve Carell to have sex. It wasn't a laugh-riot, but definitely enjoyable and well-played.

Ooh and now I'm watching The NeverEnding Story! I'll always love this movie. Watch out for The Nothing!!!

January 28, 2006 | 10:35 PM | Link | 0 comments

Ticket.

I was driving down the toll road in The OC (don't call it that) and noticed a policeman parked on the side of the road. I glanced down at my speedometer, and noticed I was going quite fast. How fast is quite? Well, in this case it was over 90. Whoops! Since there were no cars around me, I knew I was screwed.

I saw the cop car start moving. I decided to let off the gas and allow my car to glide down to 75. If I hit the brakes, it would show the cop that I saw him and was only slowing down because he was there. If I slowed down all the way to 65, that would also be ridiculous. I wanted it to appear that I was slowing down on my own accord.

The cop was getting closer, as was a white SUV that was behind me. The SUV sped past me, clearly unaware of the policeman behind us both. "Yes!" I though, "I'm off the hook!" The SUV continued fast, and the cop did not get into my lane, but instead sped up to pass me. Or so I thought.

He slowed down right next to me. I looked over, and he motioned for me to pull over. Damn! He continued to get the SUV as well.

He wrote us both tickets. I couldn't be mad. I mean, I was going a ridiculous speed, and it was high time I got a ticket to make me slow the fuck down. But holy shit! Do you realize how slow 65MPH is? And have you ever stopped to think about what a funny phrase "holy shit" is?

Oh, but at least my "no-brake-hitting, slowing-down-to-only-75 plan worked somewhat. The cop commented that I had caught myself speeding, and urged me to remember to look at my speedometer. He also mentioned that a good way to catch yourself speeding is if you notice that you're passing up other cars.

Well, yeah, but how am I supposed to notice the speed of other cars when I'm trying to locate the new Ladytron on my iPod?

January 28, 2006 | 8:53 PM | Link | 2 comments

Relief.

I pissed on a church last night, and finally found out what a relief religion can be!

January 28, 2006 | 8:52 PM | Link | 2 comments

Pound.

My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning! My head hurts this morning!

Make it stop!

January 26, 2006 | 9:06 AM | Link | 2 comments

Fucking jury duty!

God dammit I hate jury duty! I have to go on February 22nd. :(

January 23, 2006 | 6:23 PM | Link | 2 comments

2pac shakur didn't know how much he was missing.

My tummy is sore from today's gymnastics lesson. Sean had me doing a rad torso workout. It was tough, especially because the mat I was on kept moving under me. Now, if only I could get myself to do this exercise every day, I would have a 16-pack or more! Freaky!

Ooh I do like this Ladytron album. I'd kind of given up on them after their first two albums. I was just so sick of the "heavy-breathy-girl-voice-overpowering-all-the-rest-of-the-music" thing they had going. They really tamed it down on their 3rd album though. Hoorah for them, I say! Hoorah!

January 22, 2006 | 10:52 PM | Link | 2 comments

Sour lemongue.

The vodka is sharp, and lemon is sour. The cranberry is tart, and my tongue is... well, I can't really feel my tongue right now.

By the way, what is up with morning breath? Is there a way to eradicate this nuisance?

January 22, 2006 | 10:49 PM | Link | 0 comments

Simple math, simple minds.

Me: Can I have the #2 with potato wedges and cole slaw?

Her: The #2 with potato wedges and what?

Me: Cole slaw.

Her: What?

Me: Cole slaw.

Her: What?

Me: Cole slaw.

Her: Cole Slaw?

Me: Yeah.

Her: Okay, your total will be $4.84 at the window.

I drive up to the window, and hand her a $5 bill and 9 cents. Simple math will tell her that my change would be a quarter. Hell, she wouldn't even have to do simple math... all she'd need to do is punch $5.09 into the machine and it would tell her to give me a quarter. Instead, she gets flustered.

Her: *confused* It's $4.84.

Me: Yeah, just give me the change from that.

Her: *looking confused and ticked off, she grabs random coins from the register and mixes them up with the 9 cents I gave her* What do you want me to do?!

Me: I get a quarter back.

Her: *rolling her eyes, she hands me a quarter as she says sarcastically* You're trying to kill me here.

Me: *sarcastically* Sorry.

Her: That's okay.

I get home to realize that, in all her massive simple math confusion, bitch forgot to give me my BBQ sauce!

January 22, 2006 | 12:40 PM | Link | 2 comments

Yes, but where did the laughter go?

I've taken forever to get through the last season of Six Feet Under. It's just so goddamned fucking depressing. I'm at the point where I'm watching it just so I can get it off my hard drive. I have 2.5 episodes left, and it's going to be such a pain in the ass watching them.

Of course I wouldn't have this problem if I had a new computer with a larger hard drive.

Claire's boyfriend is a cutie though!

January 22, 2006 | 9:04 AM | Link | 0 comments

Refund, please.

I want to do my taxes, dammit! I want to do them so bad! I wish my company was quicker with the w2's!

I should really buy a stretch machine. My inability to touch my toes is really pathetic. Especially since I'm a gymnast.

Hehe this dumb bitch on Room Raiders just saw that the guy has chinchillas, and she thought they were called "chalupas." And she is supposed to be judging them? Yeah, now she's hugging the next house she went to. OMG he has an O.G. Nintendo Entertainment System! Hot!

Please shoot me so that I may be put out of my misery.

Ooh I should watch Misery! I love that movie!

January 21, 2006 | 11:41 PM | Link | 0 comments

Yeah, I'm on crack. What about it?!

I wrote my first truffle recipe in anticipation of the arrival of my chocolate tempering machine. If the recipe works out, it's going to fucking rock! The recipe involves a butane torch and my apartment's air conditioner! Fuck yeah!

I'm going to go pour myself a little more vodka so that I may regret it in the morning.

January 21, 2006 | 11:22 PM | Link | 0 comments

Electricity.

The new Intel Macs rock and I want to buy one so badly. I really want the agility of a laptop, but I know when Apple releases their intel desktops I'll be kicking myself in the nuts. I'm a power-user, and I can bring any machine to it's knees. I just want those knees to be harder to get to.

The new intel iMac screams too! I visited the Apple store today and played with one and I was blown away by the speed of that machine! I want one! My computer was SO top of the line when I bought it, and it is now officially lame.

January 21, 2006 | 11:18 PM | Link | 0 comments

Moon.

Skinny dipping would rock right now. Oh, and Room Raiders son MTV is a really lame show. Ew! This guy was just raiding this girl's room and he brushed his teeth with her toothbrush! Dat shiz NASTAY!!!

January 21, 2006 | 11:14 PM | Link | 0 comments

Bleach.

I feel like attacking my hair with bleach. I probably won't do it, since I don't have the wardrobe to match.

Speaking of wardrobes: I hate mine. I want to start fresh on it. I want to go on a shopping spree. Janelle reminded me that I should wait until our next New York trip. I tend to get a new wardrobe whenever I go there... the problem is I haven't been there in over a year. That's a long time to go without freshening up my closet. Oh, and since I last refreshed my wardrobe, I started disliking clothes. Not that I want to be naked. I prefer to be clothed, but seriously... have any of you gone shopping lately? What brand of glue are the designers sniffing?! Because I'm sure it's cheap!

I'm hoping that my gymnastics lesson tomorrow will put a little pep in my step. I really need a fire under my ass.

I lost too much money on the stupid stock market last week. I mean, I don't have that much money invested... so it wasn't like I lost thousands of dollars. One day, however, I will have more invested and weeks like that will definitely sting. I'm just too impatient sometimes for that whole "up and down and up again" thing. I think the stock market should be redesigned so I get everyone's money while they suffer. I should be a republican because I thrive on schädenfreude.

Lately, I have been daydreaming more than ever. I dream of being laid off and getting a nice severance package. I dream of running away and becoming a chocolatier. I even dream about a job that doesn't require me to be creative. I beat myself up about my ideas so much that sometimes all I want is a break—to have a job where I just follow a set process to complete a task. That would suck though.

I want to be a programmer.

January 21, 2006 | 11:00 PM | Link | 0 comments

Down with alf (and elf).

I hate the ALF and the ELF. I was very pleased to come across this story.

January 21, 2006 | 6:32 PM | Link | 2 comments

Moving slowly.

I can't seem to retain any form of energy these days. I sit around, and I don't really want to do anything. The idea of exerting energy is incredibly off-putting to me. I want to sleep 'round the clock.

My credit card still hasn't been charged for my chocolate tempering machine. I'm starting to get impatient! Of course it hasn't yet passed the amount of time they said it would take for processing and delivery of the machine, but even so it's irritating.

Yeah, I can't even think of anything else to say, so I'll just grunt. Urrrgh.

January 20, 2006 | 4:25 PM | Link | 0 comments

Troubled sleep.

I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. My mind just keeps racing on and on. Funny thing is, if I'm not feeling very happy, I'm automatically exhausted... you'd think that would actually help me sleep.

I'm waiting for my chocolate tempering machine to arrive. I keep visiting brilliant fantasies of becoming a chocolatier, ending my current profession as a designer, and ruling the world. Oh, I would require chocolate studies as part of every human's curriculum, and end the ignorance and apathy that allows companies like Hershey's to stay in business.

Haha I'm bitter. I crack myself up sometimes.

January 17, 2006 | 1:16 PM | Link | 4 comments

Hillbillies with taste.

I got to try moonshine tonight!! It was very unlike what I had expected. I thought it would taste like rubbing alcohol, but it actually had a very pleasant taste to it. Sure, it was strong, but in also had great nuances and aroma. I would definitely have it again.

January 14, 2006 | 10:43 PM | Link | 1 comments

Hungry like the anorexia patient.

Okay, now I think I'm hungry. But what to eat?

January 14, 2006 | 2:17 PM | Link | 0 comments

Caffeinated person.

So far today, I have not had any food. It just does not seem good after my week of gluttony. I have had four or five cups of coffee so far though.

I'm going out of my mind.

My chocolate tempering machine (!!!) will hopefully arrive this week, and I can start expanding my creativity with chocolate. Not having to worry about taking the time to temper chocolate will allow me to finally get around to creating all of these chocolates I've had in my head for so long.

I want a MacBook Pro! So sexy.

January 14, 2006 | 1:47 PM | Link | 0 comments

Things to say.

Through the past week, there are many things I have wanted to say. Every time I come here to say it, I become overwhelmed by the feeling that I don't deserve to say anything at all.

The weekend magnifies the feeling of loneliness, as it was time that would have been spent with Charley. I miss him, and can't wait until the feelings heal and we can get together and enjoy each other's company like true, great friends. I feel so antsy, just sitting here on my thumbs.

I still feel like I don't even deserve to have said the things I just said, as I have created my own loneliness. I'm not a big fan of myself these days. In fact, I kind of hate myself. I just really wanted to write these things down.

I'm sorry.

January 14, 2006 | 1:34 PM | Link | 0 comments

Best sentence ever.

Sometimes, I just love the news. For instance:

"Due to the consistency of the penis, this did not succeed, either raw or fried," Koehler said.

Ah, lovely! :)

January 12, 2006 | 12:52 PM | Link | 2 comments

Tongue.

This doll has down syndrome. Do you really have to add insult to injury with those clothes though??

January 9, 2006 | 12:09 AM | Link | 1 comments

I finally broke down.

So, I finally broke down and bought the new Madonna album.

It is very well-crafted, highly enjoyable tripe. Some of the lyrics are unforgivable though. "I don't like cities, but I like New York. Other places make me feel like a dork." Seriously? Did she seriously write that down?

Oh, but Isaac is sooooooo good!!!

January 6, 2006 | 10:11 AM | Link | 3 comments