Forgetful

Often, the long spaces between my posts are there because I simply forget about this site. Oops.

October 28, 2004 | 5:27 PM | Link | 0 comments

Too lazy to be a pothead

I'm done being a pothead, but not because I'm too lazy.

I've been working harder in the past few months than ever. In fact, I've made myself ill and today I kinda had a breakdown—like, a real breakdown. I still feel all shaky inside, but otherwise I think I'm fine.

I left the building because I could tell I may have just burst into tears at any moment. It was also 3pm and I had yet to take a lunch. I got in my car and proceeded to drive toward the coast. My hands were shaking and my breathing was heavy.

I considered going to see my father so I could solicit his advice (he is a brilliant man who's well respected), but I knew I wouldn't be able to hold composure. I did not want to melt in front of colleagues. So, toward the coast I remained.

I called a dear friend, and had no idea where to start talking. My eyes started to fill up, and I knew I needed to park. Unfortunately I was not in a spot where one can stop (but I considered it anyway). The further I drove, the deeper my breathing became. As my friend offered her support, the breakdown really began.

I arrived at a shopping center where I parked my car. My friend and I continued to talk as I wandered aimlessly around the supermarket, and I decided it was time for me to get realistic about what I can accomplish. I called my boss and inform her that I needed to give one of my projects to another designer. She was understanding, as she knows how many jobs I've taken on (and how demanding each of them has been).

I got back to the office to kind ribbing by my colleagues, who had been asked to take the job I had just handed off.

I never thought I would be the guy I am today; so devoted to my work that I don't allow my mind time to rest and seek sanity. I never thought I would ever say "I don't have time for lunch," or "Hi, my name is Jon, and I'm a workaholic."

I don't even know why I'm writing this all down. Maybe because it's all a part of my growing, and I want to remember it. I have to remember that I can't do everything. As my boss said to me when I asked to give up a job, she said, "You're not superman. Even though you like to wear tights."

October 15, 2004 | 4:56 PM | Link | 6 comments

Hindsight

You know... Now that I think about it, Amish in the City was kinda lame.

October 13, 2004 | 10:10 PM | Link | 1 comments