New splash screen

Dude. I made this just before my rush came on at work... but I never had the time to post it. Whoever is the first to identify the lady in the picture wins my disrespect. And you can't guess if you've seen this graphic before I posted it. (You know who you are.)

Oh, and you're also disqualified if you've already won my disrespect. I only have so much to go around. So much.

July 30, 2004 | 2:34 PM | Link | 9 comments

And... exhale

I just got over what turned out to be the busiest two weeks I think I've ever experienced. The biggest of the big projects I've been working on has been very well received. There's still a lot more to do, but I think the rush is over.

I designed the interface for my company's online sales. We've got over 12,000 products, so there were many, many possibilities to address. We've also got some very unique concepts in our sales systems that I had to somehow make look simple to the customer. All told, I ended up creating 294 files that make up this simulated online store... I did all that in about seven days of work. That's 42 new files a day. Anyone still looking for The Ultimate Question to The Ultimate Answer?

I can't wait to go home and sleep. Or go to the SD pride festival and get really, I mean REALLY drunk.

July 30, 2004 | 2:31 PM | Link | 0 comments

Pixels

pixelspixelspixels ixelspixels
pixelspixe spixelspix lspixels
pixels ixelspix lsp xels ixels
pixels ixelspixelspi elspixels
pixelsp xelspixelspixelspixels
pix(lspi(el(pixels)ix)lspi)els
pixelspix l pixelspixels ixels
pixelspi elspixel pixel pixels
pi elspixelspixelspixel pixels
pixelspixe spixelspixelspixels
pixelspix lspixelspixels ixels

July 24, 2004 | 12:28 AM | Link | 9 comments

Gimme some head

That marine under questioning is hot.

I thought he was before, but since I couldn't see his whole face—on account of the blindfold and all—I couldn't really decide. I figured I would see his face once they cut his head off. What a shame that would have been, eh?

Doesn't he look like an ethnic Joaquin Phoenix?

July 19, 2004 | 9:40 PM | Link | 4 comments

(Utah sucks.)

Spending time in Utah is like suddenly deciding you've simply had enough freedom and you'd really prefer to just have some taken away.

As I sat in the San Diego airport, waiting to board my plane, I noticed that all of the other people headed to Salt Lake City were white. I felt uncomfortable to be so surrounded by whities. Of course I had forgotten the fact that I myself am white, but that didn't matter. It's just not natural. I noticed one mixed-race woman approach the boarding counter. "Wow," I thought to myself. She asked the Delta Airlines employee if she would have to get off the plane when it stopped in Salt Lake City, before heading on to Seattle. "Oh," I thought.

Shortly after getting to my hotel in Sandy, I went to T.G.I. Friday's which amazingly managed to be even worse than it is in San Diego. "Hi. I would like a burger. And could you do me a favor and soak the bun in water? Thanks." My colleague arrived several hours after me, so I just sat around bored to tears until I got the call from her to go out for a drink.

Though you can get alcohol in Utah, they don't make it particularly welcoming. You see, in order to get a drink at a restaurant you must also eat there. So our waitress informed us that we could order the chips and salsa for $1.99 and then we could order drinks. Great. So I order a Sapphire martini. You'd expect a martini glass full of Sapphire, wouldn't you? Well, expect to be let down. What they bring is a martini glass that carries a single—and very strict—shot of alcohol. Enough to make you say, "Oh, why bother?" You may order another drink, but you must have food directly in front of you before they bring your second—your final—drink.

Last call on weeknights? 11:45.

While dining at Fleming's the following night, our waitress informed us that if we want a strong drink, we much choose wisely. While they can only mix a single shot of liquor, they can mix in more "flavoring" liquors. So drink down the Chambord and Frangelico, because you're gonna need it. She also informed us of the rules of the double.

Oh, sweet double and bitter state in denial. In Utah, they can serve you a double, but they cannot mix it for you. They make you a single, and they bring the extra liquor in a shot glass. Right when they give it to you, you must either a) mix it into the drink yourself, or b) take the shot right then and there. They cannot leave you with the extra shot sitting in front of you. It's all so very "I'm being baby sat and they won't give me my bottle (of gin)."

As a final kick in the crotch, you cannot buy alcohol on Sundays. None. Nowhere. Not in restaurants. Not in the state-run liquor stores. Not in the "private clubs." It's full-on withdrawal day.

I guess what I'm trying to say is if you want to go see some pretty mountains, experience a different culture within the USA, and see a pretty temple where a missionary with a 9:30 curfew will witness to you in such an as-a-matter-of-fact tone while spouting notions she doesn't realize seem totally crazy to an outsider, go to Utah. If you want to do all of the above while plastered out of your skull, go somewhere else.

* No offense to Mormons. You seem like a very happy people. Now go tithe.

July 18, 2004 | 3:52 PM | Link | 4 comments

And the seer stone says...

I'm going to be in Utah for the next few days. No email. No web access. No alcohol. O, god! No alcohol.

Well, actually, they aren't really a dry state. You can buy liquor in state-run liquor stores, in restaurants—though they cannot put it on the menu or offer it to you—and in private clubs. Hallelujah, Mr. Smith!

Perhaps I should BYOB anyway... except replace your with my and replace beer with lighter fluid.

July 13, 2004 | 10:16 AM | Link | 1 comments

Enjoying a day at the wrong beach

As I approached the cliffs atop the nude beach, I saw two park rangers speaking with a middle-aged woman.

"I'm from a group called the Moral Majority, and I'm the one who called you. I saw two separate acts down there. One was a male and a female just really going at it."

"Yes, ma'am. We do have problems with that," the troopers participated.

As their voices faded away and I descended down the cliffs to remove my clothing in a brazen act of immorality, I just thought about yelling out a) what the hell are you doing at a nude beach anyway, Mrs. Moral, and b) shut up.

The breeze felt good on my balls.

July 12, 2004 | 11:47 AM | Link | 3 comments

My work censors email

At work, the email system sensors out offensive language. So naturally I censor myself while composing a message to assure my meanings go through clear. Since I can't cuss in email, I'm going to cuss here.

Fuck shit damn bitch cocksucker motherfucker titty whore pussy licker crotch muffler muff diver poll sniffer. Porn teen asian fuck barely legal. Cum drippage watersports extravaganza. Scheisse party all around. Spunk hungry street sluts.

Feel free to add your own filthy remarks.

July 9, 2004 | 4:09 PM | Link | 8 comments

Freedom

Freedom is going someplace you shouldn't go when you really shouldn't go anywhere at all.

July 8, 2004 | 1:06 AM | Link | 4 comments

Workload

This day is quite deserving of a nightcap, I must say. This martini I made myself smells of cotton candy, but it's nowhere near as sickly sweet.

I shall go take over a juke box for a while... Where did I put my cock strap? It was just here a minute ago...

July 7, 2004 | 10:43 PM | Link | 0 comments

My mistake

Recently, I had a long night out. Before going home, I decided to stop by a local diner and get me some comfort food. Biscuits and gravy and bacon and eggs.

The waitress placed my to-go order and then approached me asking, "Do you want any condoms, hun?.."

"No," I replied. What an odd question. Did I have sex with strangers written on my face? I doubted that. I wondered if it were a standard offer for 3am diner patrons. Then I started to think about what a generous and conscientious service this was for them to provide.

"...Any utensils?" she continued.

I realized she had never offered me condoms in the first place. I smirked, grabbed my midnight snack, and headed out the door.

July 6, 2004 | 10:53 PM | Link | 0 comments

Come here, little girl

After waiting I-don't-know-how-long, Strangers With Candy's third and final season will be released on DVD. September will be a great month. What, with my birthday being a national holiday and all.

Thanks, D, for pointing me to this.

July 6, 2004 | 5:36 PM | Link | 0 comments

They're demolishing our kitchen!

They're demolishing our kitchen! I have no kitchen! It's being broken into tiny pieces and hauled away in suitcases! I will not be able to eat anything for nine weeks!

I'm going to look so sexy.

July 6, 2004 | 8:25 AM | Link | 2 comments

I finally saw it

I had no intent of writing about Fahrenheit 9/11 after seeing it, but I really feel I must put in my two cents. So please, bear with me if you're sick of reading about this movie. :-)

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When events happen gradually over time, we tend not to notice them as we would if they were to happen over a short period. Fahrenheit 9/11 takes all those events that have happened in the past three plus years and condenses them down to two hours.

Much of the footage in the film I could remember seeing live on TV. In the beginning stages of the war(s), I was glued to the television and cnn.com. Though I was never a Bush supporter, I did think he was right to go to war. Like many other Americans, my approval of his job had actually gone up.

Weapons of Mass Destruction. Torture. Taliban. Mistreatment of women. Genocide. The Imminent Threat of Saddam™. There were plenty of good reasons for why we needed to go to war.

After the evidence came forward that we had been misled. After the scare tactics wore off, I no longer supported the war, and I disliked Bush more than I had in the beginning. I admit then that I fall into the category of "the choir" many critics say Moore is preaching to. But, I do think this film is important for everyone to see.

From the perspective of a former war supporter, it was very interesting to see all these events—events which I remember happening—happen in such a short span. It serves as a reminder of all that has taken place. With the facts fresh in the mind of the viewer, I hope then they make their decision as to whom they will vote for.

For those who do not wish to see this film because they do not like Michael Moore, please do not let that get in the way. This film is not about him. If you don't see this movie because he's a pest (which I definitely agree he can be), you're cheating yourself out of what is simply an effective reflection of the practices of the Bush administration.

Fahrenheit 9/11 serves as a grim reminder that we should all spend more time thinking for ourselves, and that we should never stop asking questions. Voter, beware!

July 5, 2004 | 10:53 PM | Link | 1 comments

New splash page

I made a new splash page so my site could be entirely taken over by this new look. Feel free to get tired of it as fast as you'd like.

July 5, 2004 | 3:22 PM | Link | 0 comments

I can't hear you

The Skinny Puppy concert was wonderful. Very loud and very bloody and I can't hear very well today and my head still hurts... but it was really good.

As an added bonus, after I bought my tickets to see them, I found out Tweaker was the opening act. I've wanted to see Tweaker since their inception (I had a high school crush on tweaker's main man, so it didn't even matter if his music was any good... luckily his music is very good). It was interesting to see a group perform where the actual musician never really calls any attention to himself.

Holy shit, The Grove of Anaheim is tight on security. They scrutinize everything. One guy had a sticker on his bag, and they didn't want to let him in with it because it was "advertising." They were even asking me questions about my Mobil Speedpass. Yes, that tiny little keychain that I use to buy gas and various convenience items. Sheesh!

Nikev Ogre came out on stage dressed as a bloody bondage mummy with a freaky-shaped head. Gradually pieces of clothing came off as he would proceed to drench himself in stage blood. After about two or three songs, the security guards up front adorned clear plastic coats to protect them from any "spray" coming from the stage. I started to get a little worried, assuming at some point blood would be shooting out into the audience. It did. Luckily Janelle and I were too far to the side of the stage to fall victim to any potentially stain-causing red liquids.

All in all, the Skinny Puppy concert made me miss my goth days and the ability to hear out of my right ear. I give it an A+.

July 5, 2004 | 11:24 AM | Link | 0 comments

Plan 9 from Out of States

I love when my friends and colleagues travel abroad and bring back goodies from around the world. I am always fascinated by foreign candy wrappers, and often the treats inside them. My favorite are Russian candies... my friends know how obnoxiously nuts I am over cyrillic writing.

Today I just received this gem from the same man who brought me back the cured snail: