Rock around the clock

     "Thank you for calling 24 Hour Fitness. How may I help you?"

     "Hi. I'd like to cancel my membership."

     "Alright. May I have your name and address please."

     "Sure: John Doe, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield USA."

     "I see that you currently have a membership at $12 a month with access to any 24 Hour Fitness location. Is there a reason you are canceling that I could help correct?"

     "No, thanks. I've been a member to 24 Hour Fitness for over a year and I never went. Now I joined a really nice gym."

     "Are you saying we're not a nice gym?"

     "Oh no, not at all." But oh, yes. Yes, I was.

     "I see that we had just billed you for this month, so your membership will end on June 24th. If the other gym turns out not to be that nice, you can call us up before then and we can reactivate your membership."

     "Thank you."

     "Have a good day."

     "You too."

Yay. I'm enjoying being a gym snob! :-)

May 25, 2004 | 11:12 AM | Link | 7 comments

I was not aware of your taco

I did not mean to offend you, but I was not aware of your taco.

You see, I sometimes get so wrapped up with work and court dates that I do not always have the time to stop and look around. I was really stressed out with my upcoming defense... my lawyer said I hadn't a chance (some confidence, huh?). On top of that, my workload has tripled due to recent layoffs. I didn't even get to take lunch today! I tell you: I'm frazzled!

I'll definitely try to organize my time better in the future. I would love to be able to just stop and look around... smell the roses. Next time, I promise I'll notice your taco, and I'll be sure to tell you how beautiful it really is.

May 14, 2004 | 3:05 PM | Link | 6 comments

When you stopped chasing my duck

It could see you from around the corner. It would try to swim away, but you were much bigger and faster. Though you'd find yourself constantly distracted by the feed, you would not relent. You were determined.

"Quack, quack," it yelled for help. Nobody came. The others just enjoyed the sounds of nature as they sat indoors, knitting beside a fire. "Quack, quack," it demanded again. The others shut the window.

You hurled yourself forward, missing by inches. Infuriated, you screamed at the duck, commanding it not move for the next jump you would make towards it. The others hollered for you to stop screaming. "Quack, quack," it mocked.

You contemplated the smooth, silky sensation of pond water that had seeped into your shorts and decided you would pounce again. Splash! Water was displaced all around you. The duck shook its head and looked away. Failure.

As you attempted to stand, you found your feet entwined in debris. Struggling to loosen them, you fell to the pond's floor. This time, the others could not hear your screams. With each shout, your panic grew.

"Quack, quack," the duck swam above you.

You would chase my duck no more.

May 11, 2004 | 5:26 PM | Link | 3 comments