Oh, rad!

June 30, 2003 | 5:15 PM | Link | 0 comments

I love making new friends.

I didn't used to. I used to be too shy to let myself get close to people. Luckily I let myself open up, and in the past year have met some of the most wonderfully amazing people out there. Present party so freaking included (And Furious too. He's fucking incredible, but blogless. Still, we love him all the same.) Then there's my twin™. Our friendship started out slow, but has grown to a tight bond. And Brad? Brad is going to take his big thang and become the next big thang, just you wait!

I cherish them all.

June 30, 2003 | 11:23 AM | Link | 0 comments

Sometimes, a boy's got to take (ir)responsibility.

There's something about following massive amounts of alcohol with a 2am gorging at Denny's that makes me wake up in the morning and want to die.

Michael and I went to a local bar to meet the Jo(h)ns. Michael needed a good night out, and so did I. The fact that I had work the next morning was not going to get in my way. The Sapphire & Tonics were stiff, the music was hard, and the night was long (in a good way).¹

After hanging out at the bar for an ample amount of time, Michael, Jon and I headed over to Denny's and Jo(h)n went home to sleep. The menu was wonderfully trashy, and simplified for the late-night crowd. They had these new small burgers that are like White Castle burgers on German-female-gymnast-grade steroids. Of course I had to order them. They were deliciously greasy and totally gave me my White Castle fix.

There was a drifter sitting in the booth next to us, who I became increasingly hot for as the night grew older. He looked so angry and ready for aggressive sex. He went to the bathroom a couple of times, so maybe that meant something. Michael went to the bathroom once and found the drifter posing in front of the mirror. Yes, posing! Michael apologized for walking in on him. His reply: "It's a two person bathroom." You know what you should have done Michael? You should have walked over to the stall, held the door ajar, looked back at him in your most sultry of stares and said, "why yes it is, isn't it." It would have been so Samantha.²

When I got home, I remembered what a busy day today was going to be. I had to go to work... early, even! I'm surprised I woke up, and proud that I did. Even though I felt almost as bad as my last morning in NYC,³ I burned rubber and accomplished all I needed with time to spare.

Life is absolutely wonderful!

So I stretched a bit to get a phallic reference in this post that didn't even turn out very good. Sue me.
Have I ever told y'all that Samantha Jones is my idol? Well she is, and when I was in New York, I did my damn best not to let her down!
I ate seven White Castle jalapeño cheesburgers at 5:30 in the morning, after ending my best night alone in the city. I woke up in extreme pain, and I felt like I was going to vomit so hard I'd have to use the jaws of life to retrieve my pelvis from the toilet.

June 30, 2003 | 11:16 AM | Link | 0 comments

Who writes checks at the

Who writes checks at the grocery store anymore? Honestly!

June 30, 2003 | 10:04 AM | Link | 0 comments

You know what the problem

You know what the problem with family restaurants is? They allow children to dine there.

June 29, 2003 | 2:14 PM | Link | 0 comments

"You see, I believe that

"You see, I believe that every gay man, no matter how macho he is, has one thing (besides sleeping with men) that makes him undeniably gay. For me it's musicals. I call this my gay vice. Unfortunately when you go overboard there is no gay-vice squad to come catch you and bring you back to reality, which is why there are so many flaming queens around."

— Pulp Superstar

June 27, 2003 | 8:32 PM | Link | 0 comments

As I tried to fall

As I tried to fall back to sleep this morning, I heard the birds chirping and I thought 'how nice'. But then they wouldn't shut up.

June 25, 2003 | 10:07 AM | Link | 0 comments

Today has been one of

Today has been one of the most emotionally and mentally stressful days I've had in a long time. I just want it to be over. I just want to go to sleep, but I can't. I wish I could turn back time. If I could, I just would have said "no" to begin with.

Oh well... wouldn't-a, couldn't-a, shouldn't-a.

June 24, 2003 | 4:24 PM | Link | 0 comments

Another friend has started up

Another friend has started up his online diary! Logan 5 is one of the most unique people you'll ever have the opportunity of reading. Seriously. The guy's a freak.

June 21, 2003 | 4:56 PM | Link | 0 comments

It looks like someone over

It looks like someone over at Apple is getting fired today. You see, it seems that someone in Cupertino accidentally replaced the G4 specs image with the G5 specs image. G5s are rumored to be announced on Monday at the upcoming Worldwide Developers Conference

Among the specs listed, the machines top out at 8GB of RAM. I currently have 1.5GB. I want more.

June 20, 2003 | 9:41 AM | Link | 0 comments

Brilliant! I hope they're doing

Brilliant! I hope they're doing one next time I'm in New York. That is totally my type of humor.

June 18, 2003 | 12:25 PM | Link | 0 comments

Will someone please shoot her

Will someone please shoot her stylist? Honestly.

June 18, 2003 | 9:32 AM | Link | 0 comments

You go, granny! --------

You go, granny!

June 17, 2003 | 3:50 PM | Link | 0 comments

For years I've waited.

For years I've waited.
Now I have you, and I smile.
Please don't give me crabs.

June 17, 2003 | 3:15 PM | Link | 0 comments

If anyone knows where

If anyone knows where I can get a Slush Puppie in San Diego, please tell me. I will be eternally grateful! Eternally.

June 17, 2003 | 10:43 AM | Link | 0 comments

My sentiments exactly.

Sitting with my stepmother tonight, talking about children, she said something that both startled and amused me:

"Well, I mean, kids are fun. In theory … but, I just don't have much of a tolerance for stupid people."

It startled me because I feel exactly the same way. It amused me because I kind of feel bad for agreeing. What can I say? Children just aren't my thing.

June 16, 2003 | 11:24 PM | Link | 0 comments

Hey, rookie!

Yay, another Jon has joined our quest to take over the internet! Please give a warm welcome to Pulp Superstar!

June 16, 2003 | 12:01 PM | Link | 0 comments

Does anyone else find the

Does anyone else find the White Stripes incredibly irritating?

June 14, 2003 | 10:39 PM | Link | 0 comments

Sophia: I've never understood

Blanche: We can change it's diaper and see if it has a winkie.
Dorothy: A winkie?
Blanche: Well, yes. That's the scientific term for when it's small.

June 13, 2003 | 11:39 PM | Link | 0 comments

I finally got some

I finally got some photos from New York. This crop is from the day Janelle, Myke, and I went to Madam Tussaud's. It was a blast! I've also added a Photos section over on the left (under Vanity).

June 10, 2003 | 11:22 AM | Link | 0 comments

I meant to post

I meant to post this picture after Mardi Gras, but never got around to it. I'm lazy, so by my very nature, I can do nothing about it. Kacey's on the left—she's super-fun and super-cool! Kalin is in the middle—he's super-thoughtful and super-sweet. I'm on the right—I'm super-[insert adjective of your choice here].

June 6, 2003 | 5:11 PM | Link | 0 comments

The (Un)dividual

I often come across blog entries where a person is questioning how true their online persona is to their actual personality. They worry that they're not putting enough of their self in their words. They usually end their post by stating that their online identity is, in fact, quite true to the real person.

Here's what I say:

I have no problem with people inventing a new and exciting self to show to the world. I want to read something fun and interesting and, lets face it, you just might be boring in person. If that's the case, I say go all out! Create an exciting new e-you that has a quick wit and an eloquent tongue. Who has a delete key in real life, anyway? Stop torturing yourself as to how real you are, and focus that energy onto how entertaining you can be.

P.S. If you're a boring person, but your blog is a good read, it just means that who you are is a good writer. With that, you are being true.

June 6, 2003 | 4:35 PM | Link | 0 comments

--------

June 5, 2003 | 1:40 PM | Link | 0 comments

Domestic Me

Over the last couple of days I've spent the majority of my time after work in the kitchen. Last night I turned some eggs and flower into a week's supply of pasta, staying up until 11 turning the wide, raw strips into fettuccini. I rolled the bunches into little nests and left them out to dry.

Tonight, I made a salad with arugula, roasted brussels sprouts, pecans, bacon, and a dijon dressing (of course I made the dressing from scratch too). After I finished eating, I decided to put some of my pasta to good use, and make tomorrow's lunch. I decided on fettuccine alfredo, since it only has a few ingredients, and I'd only be dirtying two more dishes. I don't believe I've ever had a homemade fettucchine alfredo. Now I'm wondering why I didn't even taste it. I just packed it up for tomorrow.

I still have a block of Valrhona Pur Caraibe (66% cocoa solids) waiting to be turned into truffles. I think I should use cloves this time. I've never had that, and it seems to me like a the faint taste of cloves might be extraordinary in a whipped dark ganache.

Now I'm hungry again.

June 4, 2003 | 10:24 PM | Link | 0 comments

Though their good songs are

Though their good songs are really good, Ladytron really should lighten up on the irritating whisper-ish vocal effect they put on that poor girl singer. I mean, maybe for a song or two, but for all of them? Honestly.

June 3, 2003 | 12:34 PM | Link | 0 comments

Jesus endorses abortion.

It's good this site is still around... It used to actually be jesus.com, but now that belongs to a real church. You can still enjoy its blasphemy over at datejesus.com.

June 2, 2003 | 2:56 PM | Link | 0 comments

Double your pleasure.

Last night I dreamed I had two dicks. I wondered why I had never noticed before, then I wondered why no-one had ever mentioned it before. Just then I saw a flash of my ex-lovers smirking at me in the most evil of ways.

Having two dicks felt very strange. One hung to the left, the other to the right. They were perfectly symmetrical.

June 2, 2003 | 9:33 AM | Link | 0 comments

Hey, big spender!

Cesar, Eric, and I went to Jonah's place on Saturday to cheer him up with a 100 proof bottle of joy. We watched hilarious video clips from The Daily Show Experience as we worked through our potent cape cods and talked about the differences between hetero sex life and homo sex life. Eric wanted to go to Mexico (I didn't want to due to too many bad experiences in TJ), so they all headed down to the border, as I called my twin™.

Before leaving Jonah's, I had checked out the bar websites to see what was going on. I saw what I wanted. It was underwear night at Wolf's! I decided I was to get Michael, get him drunk, and get us to Wolf's where, inhibitions lost, we'd join the party.

I didn't tell Michael about my plan, of course. Why give him the chance of opting out before he's drunk, right?

I took Michael to the Eagle to get him good and drunk. I first got him a shot of Jäger and G&Ts for both of us. I urged him to finish his drink fast, then to finish mine (which I had only consumed a fifth of). As he was finishing mine, I bought another for him to finish. This was all in the span of ten minutes.

Off to Wolf's we were.

Immediately upon entering, we were met by the sight of men in underwear as far as the eye could see (of course, the eye could only see to the back wall, that was twenty feet away). I got us each a beverage, and finally let out that I wanted to join the underwear party. Off were our clothes, and into the back room we went.

Shortly upon entering the land of the loosely-clad, my bladder began to complain. Michael and I went to the restroom. He in his boxers, me in my briefs. It wasn't until, standing afront the toilet, pulling down the front of my briefs that I remembered my pouch had served as my only pocket. My money leapt forward and into the bowl. I paused, I winced, I laughed. "Well," I thought to myself, "I might as well make a game of it."

I aimed for the folded up bills, pushing them around the pool and taking out any aggressions I harbor toward our government. "Ha ha!" I thought, "Take that, Bush!" I flushed once, and the money was merely pulled to the bottom. I flushed again, and it was gone.

And that is the tale of how I pissed my money away.

Oh, rad! --------