And so, the Lord spake,

"They're here! They're here! They're here!"

And there was much rejoicing.

January 31, 2003 | 1:15 PM | Link | 0 comments

That bitter-sweet day.

Fridays are meeting day here at the office. Every week, before we get to go free for two days to re-gather our fragile little minds, we get to be tortured for an hour while we go over current projects.

These meetings do have some benefit, but they are boring all the same. I tend to zone out and feel like I'm in high-school—the teacher calls my name, and I have no idea what we're talking about. It's a problem I have, and I try to fight it. My attention span is not very great.

Perhaps without those meetings, our weekends just wouldn't be the same.

January 31, 2003 | 11:52 AM | Link | 0 comments

The hottest desert I've ever seen!

"Earth Erotica celebrates the inherent beauty, creative power, and spiritual essence of sexuality as expressed in landscape. For over twenty years I have traveled the globe to reveal the reflections of our world as 'paintings' on film. Pure earth to final print, these extraordinary images are developed without specialized filters or digital enhancement. The colorful metaphors of Earth Erotica embody my lifelong commitment to convey a positive relationship between sexual enlightenment and spiritual well-being. I hope you enjoy my portraits of Earth, where I tread carefully, touch with my eyes, and leave no trace."

January 29, 2003 | 4:00 PM | Link | 0 comments

People screen calls for a reason.

If you want to know the story behind why a near-stranger left me this message, then read my explanation.

January 29, 2003 | 3:23 PM | Link | 0 comments

All hail the Queen!

I am pleased to see that Alexander McQueen has finally updated his website. With a clip from one of my favorite Fischerspooner songs, no less.

January 28, 2003 | 10:53 PM | Link | 0 comments

Full stereo sound.

Mikey, this one's for you.

January 28, 2003 | 2:40 PM | Link | 0 comments

Link hopping.

I just found a link to a diary kept by the guy who made my favorite porno!

The porn is called At Twilight Come the Flesh-eaters, and it is hilarious! It definitely isn't your standard I-want-to-get-off-as-fast-as-possible semen-rodeo video. No, this porn seems like its creator must have been sitting around one day and thought, "I like Night of the Living Dead and all, but there's just not enough sex in it!"

It's a bizarre porno-in-a-porno featuring an incestuous brother and sister, a pissed off creditor, a guy who takes extraordinarily long to chop scallions, zombies, a hair dryer, salad tongs, and a little girl who spontaneously (and melodramatically) speaks Spanish. If you want to laugh so hard you cream your pants, then this is the porn to get!

Hooray for Vidkid Timo!

January 27, 2003 | 3:10 PM | Link | 0 comments

The eighth day.

This past weekend (Thursday inclusive) was one of the most fun I have had in a long time. I was surrounded by great company, both new and old. There was a lot of gin, there was kissing (with girls, no less), there was goth-spotting, a friend's birthday, bar hopping, an ultra-blasphemous brunch with a pregnant-drag-queen-nun, sun-chasing to expose a silkscreen (you see, the sun was no longer beaming down on my house, so I had to drive to higher lands), more drag queens, and finally one last spot out at a nightclub for a late-night acknowledgment of my friend's birthday.

The only problem was, I never stopped to rest.

It's Monday now, and I'm back at work. Tired, as usual. Wishing I were somewhere else. Wishing I had stopped to rest just a little.

Oh well... there's always next weekend, isn't there?

January 27, 2003 | 10:34 AM | Link | 0 comments

In the 85th percentile.

It's the morning after the night before, and I am reminded of this passage from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

"It is a curious fact, and no one knows quite how much importance to attach, that something like 85 percent of all known worlds in the Galaxy, be they primitive or highly advanced, have invented a drink called jynnan tonnyx, or gee-N-N-T'N-ix, or jinond-o-nicks, or any one of a thousand or more variations of the same phonetic theme. The drinks themselves are not the same, and vary between Sivolvian 'chinanto/mnigs' which is ordinary water served at slightly above room temperature, and the Gagrakackan 'tzjin-anthony-ks' which kills cows at a hundred paces; and in fact the one common factor between all of them, beyond the fact that the names sound the same, is that they were invented and named before the worlds concerned made contact with any other world.

"What can be made of this fact? It exists in total isolation. As far as any theory of structural linguistics is concerned it is right off the graph, and yet it persists. Old structural linguists get very angry when young structural linguists go on about it. Young structural linguists get deeply excited about it and stay up very late at night convinced that they are very close to something of profound importance, and end up becoming old structural linguists before their time, getting very angry with the young ones. Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy discipline, and a large number of its practitioners spend too many nights drowning their problems in Ouisghian Zodahs."

I wish Douglas Adams hadn't left us alone on this little blue-green planet.

January 24, 2003 | 9:58 AM | Link | 0 comments

Frustrated, or happy?

So I haven't been on a date for a while, but that doesn't bother me.

For some reason, I have been exorbitantly happy these last few days. I'm not sure why. Nothing really special is happening. I'm not really looking forward to anything in particular. I'm less healthy than I've been in years. I miss gymnastics terribly and really want to get a new coach, but don't feel like forking out the money for private lessons right now.

So why can't I stop smiling? Don't get me wrong; I'm happy that I'm happy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Oh, by the by... The other day I saw a shirt I got the idea for a long time ago and have wanted to make. It was to be a dress shirt where the placket, rather than going straight down, twists around the torso and ends up at my ass. I got a book on shirt-making just so I could construct this particular garment. Well, it turns out Alexander McQueen had the same idea! Damn you, Alexander! His material and cut is way different than I envisioned for myself, but oh well.

January 23, 2003 | 5:25 PM | Link | 0 comments

On a roll.

Archives and a site redesign... all in one day. Somebody stop me!

January 23, 2003 | 3:10 PM | Link | 0 comments

I'm lazy until I'm not.

I finally got around to posting my first ever archives for this site. Enjoy.

January 23, 2003 | 2:16 PM | Link | 0 comments

I get what I want.

You will quench my hunger.
You will hear my primal scream.
Your thick cream, I crave.

Cover my gaping mouth.
Blanket my taste buds with cheer.
Set my yearning free.

Nothing here, but you.
Ooze onto my dampened skin.
My tongue swims with taste.

Italian stallion.
Smooth, dark, and delightful scent.
I will suck thee dry.

January 20, 2003 | 4:08 PM | Link | 0 comments

At last, this cold is done.

I'm finally over the cold / sore throat / larangytishness I had been suffering over the last week. I was beginning to think that one would never go away. Last week had been so busy, both with work and my personal life, that I was just getting worse and worse.

Now that it's gone, all I want to do is eat chocolate. I was to get back to my confections! I have three pounds of various shades of Valrhona waiting for me at home! I want to spend three hours on the kitchen and come out stained with pleasure...

Oh wait... that sounded dirty. Maybe I'll just skip the chocolate and spend the next week masturbating.

January 20, 2003 | 2:27 PM | Link | 0 comments

Randomonium.

1. Beer, one of the nastier things in life, should not be consumed in my presence... Especially when I have a cold.
2. Vodka and gin are not as good at preventing illness as I would hope.
3. Champagne and Theraflu make an hilarious combination.
4. Theraflu and meetings make a terrible combination.
5. Taking a half-day from work so you can attend a Gucci spring preview with champagne and live models is a very good thing.

January 13, 2003 | 1:29 PM | Link | 0 comments

Bed time.

I'm getting sick. I decided to use alcohol as medicine tonight... Big mistake.

I just took two vitamin c tablets, two calcium-magnesium-zinc tablets, and three echinacea capsules. I am following those with theraflu.

Gin and tonic should be better at fighting illness.

January 12, 2003 | 2:36 AM | Link | 0 comments

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Our new computers arrived here at work over a week ago, but we still don't have them. I've offered to help set them up several times, but I don't get a response even to decline my offer.

It's starting to drive me a bit mad.

January 9, 2003 | 11:44 AM | Link | 0 comments

Dishonesty.

Why make a date with somebody if you're not going to follow through? It's just plain stupid.

January 7, 2003 | 2:18 PM | Link | 0 comments

A learned man.

So—I'm gay, and I work very hard at proving it.

As I had mentioned in a previous post, I wanted to learn to knit. I picked up some burgundy-colored yarn, some needles, and a booklet on how to knit, crochet, tat, and embroider (which proved useless since it's instructions on starting out your knit were unclear). I jumped on over to Google and searched for sites on knitting. I found a great site that had me knitting in minutes.

What I learned: Knitting is rather tedious and takes very, very long to get any results. I just don't know if proving my gayosity™ is important enough to continue.

Ken, I ask you—which of the following will get my gay license revoked:

January 1, 2003 | 9:40 PM | Link | 0 comments